Why a blog?

Today was good, great start huh, I woke up late an hour later than planned and missed my scheduled prayer time and had to squeeze it in literally, I sat in prayer thinking Lord I want you to consume every part of my life and I want to surrender every part of my life to you but I don't know how to do it, I get up and am automatically on fast mode, I gotta do this I gotta do that, when my heart is yearning to slow down and wait on the Lord and let him lead me. I prayed but it didn't satisfy my soul so I know I cut it short even though I did break through into his presence. I homeschooled my daughter today and she is learning her bible verses fast, I know that God is going to put his word in her and it will always be apart of who she is and I love that, It's because of his mercy on me that I got saved when I did, otherwise I dont know where I would be or how I would be raising my child. We visited my dad today, I go over there and I feel so out of place now, I definatly don't see where and how I ever fit into the family, they are unbelievers and live that way to the extreme and they look at me like my faith and my behavior is some kind of joke to them, I remember them saying once I would be back I'd be smoking pot with them again, once a smoker always one, but I thank God that he has broke every addiction to that off me. Some days are good, some days are great, some days I walk in persecution and frustration. I want so much more of God I want to breathe him and lately have been distracted with things that don't matter. I want to be humble before him and understand I can do nothing, that its him its all him its all about him, and I want him to be able to use me for whatever he has planned. I love him more than anything he saved me from things I can't mention, he delivered me from everything you can be delivered from, he had mercy on me even when I didnt see it, he called me before I knew he was calling me, I just pray I can rise up and do what he's called me to do.